When I first started to examine my happiness, I realized my happiness was all linked to past event. I could easy think of times in the past that I felt happy such as the day I got married; the two years that I backpacked around the world etc. my happiness is never about NOW!
So what does happiness feel like? I don’t know. I am not even sure one can describe the feeling. I think happiness could be a state of mind. This state of mind is an end product of a set of many conditions. And everyone has their own set. In other words, what make me happy may not make you happy.
My first step was to find out what don’t I need or what not needs to happen for me to be in touch with happiness. The first thing that jump out of me was WORRY. Yes, I would feel happy if I do not worry. It may not be possible not to have any worries at all as long as I am still alive but I am not totally discounting that possibility. I started asking myself, “Am I worrying now?” If I did not feel that I was worrying, I would say to myself,” I am happy NOW“. For that moment, I was happy because nothing was bothering me. I didn’t care about the next minute. I was more focus on my state of being at the moment. As I am typing out this blog, I feel that I am not worry about anything at all. So I am happy now.
After about 2 weeks, it became quite habitual. I would check in quite periodically throughout the day at my worry/happiness meter. By naming those worry free moments with “I am happy now”, I realized that a) I was actually making a mark or a gauge of my sense or feeling of happiness; and b) I was declaring that I was still on track. At this point, my happiness is a result of calmness. I understand this is only one layer and there will be more as I discover more in the future. I was also surprised that I was worry free 90% of the whole last 2 week. So I could say that I was 90% happy for that period. In that, I could say that “I am quite happy most of the time”.
So, what will I do or what will happen if something huge happens that pushes me completely off the center? How can I remain happy in bad times? I don’t know. I will deal with that when the time comes. For now, at this moment, I am very happy.